Old friends and fond memories

Despite the stress of last month, it was actually a pretty good month for me where old friends are concerned.

I, for one is the worst person to keep in touch with. With my busy busy schedule, I am often guilty of deleting my old friends' e-mails without even reading them, known famously for not returning calls and a frequent absentee from all gatherings that anyone took the trouble to organize.

I know not what came over me but it started off with Siew Jong calling me one day and asking if I would be attending an old CGBC gathering at Marche, Movenpick. (CGBC is short for Canning Garden Baptist Church in Ipoh where I spent my teenage and somewhat formative years). I was not able to actually give her an affirmative answer ( as usual) as I was really not sure if there will be an event that weekend.

Anyways the weekend rolled by and I decided on a whim to actually make an effort to go. It was actually fabulous to see all the guys and gals who grew up same time with me . It was good to see my Pastor Richard & his wife Jackie though I was much surprised to see how liberal they were with their daughter Faith. She had a rasfatarian hairstyle, goth nails painted black, kohl rimmed eyes and piercings all over. However, she proved to be an intelligent girl, very grounded and got on like a house on fire with Rachel (who gamely tagged along with me to the said gathering).

Well most of the guys like have put on like a ton of weight and like are double or triple their size. Those that were still trim are balding... The gals didnt change much and still kept their trim figures though. All in all it was a pretty good catch up session.

Later in the week, Irene Yeoh (my bestest friend ever) came down and we actually caught up at One Utama for coffee. Even though it was just a short one hour coffee catch up, it was good to see her. Irene is one friend who is always on my mind. We see each other once a year during CNY when I go back to Ipoh. Despite the rare face to face meetings, ours is a friendship that transcends time and whenever we meet, it is as if those gaps never existed and we can just pick up where we left off a year ago. She is a great friend whom I grew up with and will probably grow old with.

Two weeks ago, I was entertaining some clients at Rum Jungle and lo and behold ! who do I spy but a couple of my ex colleagues and my ex Amex boss, Dominic. He was back for good from Philippines where he was based for like the last ten years. I was drinking and dancing to myself and looking aroud the pub, feeling bored and not very inclined to make conversation with my clients when I saw this huge giant man who looks very familiar ( those who knoe Dom know what a big gentle giant he is) . I just hollered out DOM! and he reacted. He could also recognise me and we really caught up on some good old times. Chitra was there too but he sort of regaled the tale that I am one of the girls who used to go in "braless" to work during my Amex time to the group of people he was with.

There goes my reputation down the drain. I beg to differ though... Very short micro skirts and little black dresses - yes, I did that and still doing it but braless in to work ?? NEVER! It was Amanda that holds that title. I mean I do the braless thing too but don;t ever remember doing that during work hours.

Anyway what's wrong in going braless ? It is actually very liberating and let's face it, a personal choice and there really are some clothes you just can't wear with a bra. But somehow, if you do it here in Malaysia, a great deal is often made out of it. Well Amanda and all gals who has a hot bod out there, my motto is If you got it, flaunt it girl!

I also bumped into Vee Pin and we had a tete a tete over wine at La Bodega the other day. I had a wonderful time and we managed to polished off two whole bottles of red. She still looks good and vivacious as ever even though she does not trust MEN ever ever now and NO! she will not change her mind. I can't blame her though. She went through ike 3 very nasty breakups and all three of her boyfrined cheated big time on her.

I was there through it all and held her hand and gave her my shoulder. It was a very traumatising period for her but I am glad she is happy and being comfortable and confident of herself now. We both could laugh about it now and we could see how the experience have shaped her.

So, here's to good old friends. I resolve to take time and make it a point to sometimes stop and smell the roses and make an effort to really spend time with old friends.

So, to my good friends : Irene Yeoh, Vee Pin, Janne, Keith, Kenny, Shereen, Tuck, Queenie. Alfred, Siew Jong, KT.... I love you guys.

Mid life crisis

Well, it's been two whole months since I've last blogged. It's like 3 am in the morning and I just woke up with a giant whopper of a stomach ache. Been having this upset stomach since Tuesday which makes me suspect that I actually might be allergic to putting food into my stomach.

Well, that niggly stomach woke me up and am unable to go back to sleep so have decided to come downstairs to spend some alone time with my thoughts. Rachel was blogging late into the night so there goes the alone time but then it felt intimate to be up in the middle of the night with my daughter even though she just duly passed the laptop to me and went upstairs to pack her stuff for college tomorrow.

Well, Rod Stewart is playing softly as I seriously think of what I really want to write about. My thoughts are all over the place and have not been sleeping good lately with a 2.45 am automatic wake up call that my brain and body seem unable to be shaking off. Probably a sign of getting old....

Sitting here and typing randomly, I realised that often I have restrained putting my real thoughts and feelings into pouring out my thoughts when I write as family and friends read the blog and I, as usual don't want to hurt their feelings and really.. some dark thoughts and secret passionate yearnings that I am having I'd really rather keep deep within my own deep recesses.

Guess restraining myself like that have been making me feel out of sorts and it's been making me feel quite trapped and asking if this is all there is to life ? Am I going through a mid life crisis ? Life is just too normal ..... As I go through everyday, I find myself getting tired of the everyday simple mundaness of things. It' s as if I am just going through the motions and the very actions of just living is a burden. Have not been going to church and God is actually quite far away at the moment...

Have been feeling like this for the past two months and really struggling to be happy. Cos that's what I have been lately... I am unhappy. Really unhappy. Can't pin point why I am unhappy though... its been a really long time that I have felt pure joy and passion.

Been missing Rachel lately too. She has just started college and made new friends and just discovered the power of being female. Even though we are really close .. closer than other moms and daughters are anyway can't shake off the feeling that I am losing her. Whilst on one hand I really want her to have the time of her life and experience all the exhilarating things being young has to offer, I can't help but to feel shut out when she spends all the time chatting with friends.... I guess I should respect her privacy and let her go but then she will always be my baby.

Also I probably wanted to relive my youth through her and I envy her the chances and opportunities that I never had when was her age. My siblings and I have always had it hard and all the things that young people nowadays take for granted , we had to stuggle for.

So it's been a kind of a stuggle for me lately... Life. Just felt like it's been a struggle since young even though I am proud of what I have achieved - a successful business, a loving husband, wonderful daughter and a closely knitted family.

Also, went through a really rough patch with my business partner which very nearly caused the whole partnership to be dissolved. Was depressed and stressed out like shit for like a whole week and even though everything is ok now... it still feels like both of us are treading on eggshells and restraining our words and feelings and actions which is really quite hard.

A lot of bad feelings and angry words were uttered during that couple of days and I guess both of us are still reeling and recovering from the force of resentment and anger being hurled both ways. Still recovering from that fiasco .... I guess both of us are overworked and stress finally took a toll on both of us... I really need to get away for a holiday soon.

Really need to rekindle the passion in Life soon. Also met some guys during the course of my work who were attracted to me and actually told me so. Its good to have my self esteem lifted up this way. I can still turn heads and look damn good for my age. However, instead of feeling good about it I was actually sad about it cos the one person whom I wanted to see me as gorgeous, attractive and worth paying attention too is also too caught up with Life to do that.

Before we take each other for granted, I want to do something about it so hubby, if you are reading this.. how about taking a romantic getaway to discover each other sound to you ?

I need to get away and discover unbridled passion, pure joy and love and I don't wanna do it alone. And I need to do it soon before I go insane and do something rash that I might regret.

So people... please pray for me.