Memoirs of a Self-Confessed Shopaholic

Memories of a CNY past.

2011-02-02T19:25:00.007+08:00

It's the Year of the Rabbit officially tomorrow and the first time in my life that I am celebrating it without Grandma.

I miss her. I miss my family. I miss going back to Ipoh , miss seeing my uncles and aunts, miss gossiping with my cousins, miss just reading cards for Grandma when we play Blackjack just for fun.

Ah Mah has always been the glue that brings everyone together and even though I made everyone promise during her funeral last year that we will not let the tradition go, it shows how quickly people move on with their own lives. It's just the first year and everyone is celebrating it with their own nucleus family.

Maybe it's just me who is being sentimental or just me that's holding on to the memories of Ah Mah but if I can just trace back - it's times like these, spending times with family and my Ah Mah that I feel the most contented. Times when I feel that I am just so at peace and happy.

I know certain people will miss her more - Gary, Kim and Jiku. But life happens , right ? But I know that if we do not make a special effort to keep in touch, albeit just a phone call, an sms or just an email, we will grow apart. And that would be a shame wouldn't it ? Cos we are family. And a family that loves each other sticks together. I know Ah Mah will be sad too knowing that we are celebrating Chinese New Year all apart.

I wonder when we are having our reunion this year, who will be thinking of Ah Mah? I know I will be. How about you ?

Gong Xi Fa Cai everyone.

sadness

2010-09-18T19:41:00.004+08:00

I am restless. My heart is yearning for lost hopes, lost chances, lost dreams.

What if ? I have been more adventurous ? More carefree ? More irresponsible? More selfish? Less caring of what people think? Taken more risks?

Would I be a different person then? Would my life be better ? Or worse ? Would I be happier ? Or sadder? Would I be richer ? or poorer ?

Maybe it is mid life crisis, but I am sad. I have been sad most part of this year. Grandma's death impacted me more than I care to admit. I miss her badly. Miss her pure unselfish love for her family, for me. It will be hard to replace her love.

I miss being carefree. Miss just throwing caution to the wind and Just DO. Just FEEL. Just GO.

I miss laughing . Really laughing , from the heart. Not forced, Not pretend. But really laugh. Laugh because I feel pure joy. I have not really laughed. Not for a long time.

I miss being intimate. being loved, being held, being told everything will be OK cos we are in this together.

I miss having someone to really bare my soul to, to pour out my deepest , darkest thoughts without holding back. I miss having a shoulder to lean on.

I miss Rachel. Badly, terribly.

I am tired. Of this life. Of false pretenses. Of being told how lucky I am. Because I am living a lie.
Because I would throw it all away , just for a chance to be happy, really really happy again.

cis! jahanam

2009-06-28T14:01:00.002+08:00

This entry is solely inspired by my perfectionist, nit picking, naggy, brat of a rugrat Rachel who has been telling me that if I don't update my blog it's gonna be Jahanam.

So here it is people, an obligated entry so my blog won't be "Jahanam"

Ta -Ta till the inspiration kicks in again .. which is like ..Forever?? Hee Hee.

obligated to blog

2008-10-31T11:41:00.004+08:00

Someone has been nagging me about updating my blog, so this is an obligated entry.

three names you go by:
- jane
- sook fun
- honey

three screen names you have had:
- shopaholic
- crazy bitch
- hunk magnet

three physical things you like about yourself:
- my long lean and very toned arms
- my bootylicious butt
- my long black silky hair
- & my sexy collarbone ( I must have four)

three physical things you don't like about yourself:
- my flat feet
- my current wonky ankle which is refusing to heal properly resulting in me not giving 100% during my runs
- my nails

three parts of your heritage:
- chinese
- peranakan (baba nyonya)
- thai

three things that scare you:
- loneliness
- apathy
- letting go

three of your everyday essentials:
- my Rachel
- facebook
- exercise

three things you are wearing now:
- tank top
- undies
- short shorts

three of your favourite bands or musical arts:
- B 52s
- Depeche Mode
- all big band music

three of your favourite songs (right now):
- Mercy - Duffy
- Finally - Fergie & John Legend
- The Pretender - Foo Fighters ( current favourite running song)

three things you want in a relationship:
- mutual love
- mutual trust
- mutual respect

three physical things about the opposite sex that appeals to you:
- his height (must be tall)
- his colour (dark brooding looks are good)
- his hygiene ( no slobs need apply)

three of your hobbies:
- shopping , shopping & more shopping
- exercise ( I'm an addict)
- reading

three things you wanna do really badly right now:
- knock some sense into people who refuse to sacrifice for their grandma
- organize my wardrobe
- go back to bed

three careers you're considering/considered before:
- a hot shot fashion designer
- a smoky sultry lounge singer
- a social worker out to save the world

three places you want to go on vacation:
- Shanghai
- Paris
- London

three things you want to do before you die:
- see Rachel win a Pulitzer Prize
- run a cafe in South of France
- win the lottery

three (groups of) people that you would like to see take this quiz now:
- people who have haunted blogs like mine ( Kim comes to mind)
- those who have nothing better to do
- I've ran out of ideas......

Pissed

2008-05-03T22:09:00.003+08:00

I am in a pissy mood and just needed to rant. For the life of me, I cannot understand why people expect me ( a supplier) to be pro-active when their own staff is lazy like a piece of log whom you can't get to move even if you sent a big crane to lift her off her big fat lazy, not to mention utterly brainless arse.

Yes, I can pro-active but not to the extent when I have to lose money to fund your projects. Helloo... I am in it for the money and am making a living. I am accepting it in the name of service , yes, something you would not and could not get your own staff to do, even if you pay them. Tell me, which businessman does anything for no returns? You might as well then work for your company and not expect a salary, goddamn it.

And yes, I am standing my ground. F**k off for all I care.

Sorry, that my update has to be a pissy,bitching,lunatic post but I just needed to get this off my chest.

!@#$%^&*........

Not Dead Yet

2007-10-06T12:24:00.000+08:00

I am still alive and kicking , for those of you who care.

Just need a life. Desperately.

Besides work,travel, work, sleepless nights, work, crazy deadlines and more work , I have not had time for come self TLC and R&R.

Shopaholic withdrawal symptoms are hard to stomach. On a brighter note, I am rich with all the months of non shopping and business is just so fantastic, I will be back with a vengeance soon.

Till then, back to my money making mode.

Six weird things about me

2007-05-19T23:33:00.000+08:00

For lack of nothing to do, I have decided to respond to a tag that Rachel made me do. Heck, why not? I've been travelling and been up to my eyeballs in work, been sick like a cow ( hee hee .. now am skinny cow) so might as well kill two birds with one stone ie stop my utter sense of boh-liaoness and update my nearly abandoned blog.

But , just to qualify, I am not weird, just a bit eccentric at times..... ok maybe a bit, but not in a weird, weirdo kind of way or crazy weird.....just a wee bit weird in an obsessive compulsive kind of way which in no way put me in the weird category at all, if you know what I mean....

So here goes :

1) I plan my work wardrobe according to my "lucky color" of the week as stated in my horoscope

No, I am not superstitious and no, wearing my lucky color of the week does not always bring me good luck. In fact I have had downright shitty days when dressed top to toe in my so called lucky color of the week. As I am indecisive deciding on what to wear every day, this "system" (if you may call it that) gives me a "structure" to help me assemble my outfit of the day easier and yes, I do have a lot of clothes/scarfs/accessories/bags/shoes in all colors to cater to most of the colors stated in my star sign unless its topaz or magenta ( I mean what kind of colors are that ?? ) or gold and silver ( I mean, how many gold/silver pants/top/dress/blouse/shoes... you get my drift , can you possibly own and who dares dress in gold from top to toe in broad daylight.to go to work anyway??).. but I manage.
Down side is, if red does not appear for the whole year, then all my red stuff will be pretty much collecting dust in the closet. But hey, I throw caution to the wind sometime and break the rules by not wearing my lucky color some days before venturing into the big bad world. Am i brave or am I brave ?

2) I annoy people when I watch horror films

Well, for one, it will really be a waste of money and time as I will be hiding behind a pillow, my hands, your back, crouched behind the cinema chair for like nearly the whole duration of the movie as I scare easily. I am the type that if a cat suddenly jumps out of the dustbin when the hero/heroine is going down a dark alley, I will like scream out loud and jump 3 feet off my chair and get funny looks from people around me.
I mean who in the good sense of mind wants to have a heart attack each time the evil vampire/psychotic killer/monster/villian jumps onto the screen unannouced and frighten the juice out of you? Not to mention I will annoy the hell out of you by repeatedly asking whilst buried behind my hands, " Is it/he/she gone?" " Is the scene over?" " Still got ah ?" " What happened? Die already ah?"
I had to pee in the middle of the night with the bathroom door wide open for a month after I watch The Exorcist (in case I have to make a mad dash for the safety of my bed and blanket).
Give me good old fashioned comedy anytime.

3) I don't like people touching my face

I imagine all the germs at their fingertips slowly migrating their way and attaching themselves to my eyes, cheeks, chin... ewww , yuck and triple yuck. and then slowly turning into ugly pus and pustules erupting and oozing slimy goo all over me. ~Shudders.~
So, if you think brushing a lock of hair from my face is romantic, it is NOT cos it grosses me out.

4) All my hangers are red and they have to face one way

Otherwise, I get Agitated. And Mad. And Irritated. And Flustered. Ok, I am a wee bit weird.

5) I like squeezing my bread into a tight ball before i eat it

It somehow makes it nicer to eat. More substance and more to chew. Try it. Maybe I will invent a tight chewy ball bread for weird bread people like me. There's one more weird bread person that eats bread like me and that's Rachel.

6) I talk to myself all the time

Even when there are people around me. Is that weird ? or normal weird ?

I will not tag anyone else. Cos I am kind.

Mua Ha Ha Ha !!!!!!

2007-03-20T22:06:00.000+08:00

I am the devil.

2007-03-05T11:03:00.000+08:00

You are The Devil

Materiality. Material Force. Material temptation; sometimes obsession

The Devil is often a great card for business success; hard work and ambition.

Perhaps the most misunderstood of all the major arcana, the Devil is not really "Satan" at all, but Pan the half-goat nature god and/or Dionysius. These are gods of pleasure and abandon, of wild behavior and unbridled desires. This is a card about ambitions; it is also synonymous with temptation and addiction. On the flip side, however, the card can be a warning to someone who is too restrained, someone who never allows themselves to get passionate or messy or wild - or ambitious. This, too, is a form of enslavement. As a person, the Devil can stand for a man of money or erotic power, aggressive, controlling, or just persuasive. This is not to say a bad man, but certainly a powerful man who is hard to resist. The important thing is to remember that any chain is freely worn. In most cases, you are enslaved only because you allow it.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

Recluse

2007-03-04T17:23:00.000+08:00

A recluse. That was what I am. The whole Chinese New Year.

Morose, grumpy,unsociable,tired, lazy and moody best describes my mood. Somehow, Chinese New Year doesn't feel the same anymore as I grow older. This year, I even find the process of cleaning the house, putting up decors and shopping for the necessary foodstuff to be a chore. Done because I don't have a choice. Done because it is expected of me.

Maybe it's due to the fact that a week before CNY, Uncle Ho passed on. A healthy man, who was never sick a day in his life, a wonderful father-in-law to my sister, the best father and a doting grandfather and who was seriously ill when the artery in his big intestine ruptured. Going to the intensive care with my sis and brother-in-law, seeing how many wires and needles were poked into a man whom, just a couple of days ago, seem virile and healthy, really breaks my heart.

After helping my sister and brother-in-law with the funeral arrangements, I was exhausted and the thought of Jamie standing alone beside her grandfather's coffin alone and silently crying affected all of us much. We miss him but more so Jamie, whom Uncle Ho ferries to & fro from school every day. They would be fighting over homework and fighting over Uncle Ho's efforts to make her eat, but laughing over some silly joke that only they both find funny. I wish I had known my grandpa like that.

This episode reminded me of how frail and fragile Life is. How, we as humans take for granted the people who loves us the most. For how, in our busiest time making money and chasing rainbows, we forget to stop and smell the roses, we forget to appreciate the ones dearest to us. We always have time for everything else but when it comes to our dearest and nearest, we always placed them last as we think they will understand. How we wish we could turn back time and told them that they are loved, cherished and appreciated only when it is too late.

Or maybe it is due to the fact that I have seen friendships of more than 30 years just fizzled out and died. The tradition of having CNY dinner with our friends have been going on for as far as I can remember. However, the past couple of years have been strained - what with some friends going through a divorce and some fallen out on some work and business issues. Last two years saw some of them going through the motion of coming for the dinner. But, you can see that they are going through the motions only. It is only people like me and a couple more who are sort of holding the group together.

This year, however, even going through the motions were tough for some people and the group ended up to just being 4 couples.

Maybe, I am a sentimental fool but I believe that in this cut throat world, all the more friendships should be cherished. All of us are not perfect but we can try to overlook our friends shortcomings especially if we go way back to 30 years ago. Cos its not easy to have friends that last a solid 30 years. Who have been there through your puberty stage where you discover the wonders of the opposite sex, who has been there through the time you got married, who has been there for you when you are going through a break-up or a divorce, who celebrated with you over your entry into varsity, who picked you up in his first car albeit an old jalopy just so we can go for a drink at the mamak store, who were your best men and ladies-in-witing during your wedding, who waits anxiously with you in the labour ward for your firstborn and whom you know you can count on. These are friends whom you do not let go easily. Not over some silly misunderstanding and some petty quarrel. Yes, it is petty, if we can just forget our egos and see past the wrongs.

Maybe it because my Grandma is getting on in years. When we went back to Ipoh, I could see that she was much older, weaker and more frail as compared to the last year. She walked slower, eat lesser and could not quite remember a lot of things.

So yes, I was in a sad & sombre mood this CNY. I refused to go out and spend time with my church friends, my best friends Irene & Siew Jongand my ex-schoolmates. I just wanted to be with Grandma. Playing cards with her and my uncles, seeing her smile, taking her to get her hair permed and moments spent just talking to her is priceless. These might be small things but it meant a lot to her and I am afraid of not having her with us anymore cos I love her to death. If there is one person I would do anything for, its Grandma. And the fact that she cries each time we come back to KL really breaks my heart.

Maybe, its because I miss my sister and brother-in-law, whom were not able to celebrate with us in Ipoh due the the passing on of Uncle Ho.

Maybe I am just getting old.

I really must break out from this reclusive mode soon. Having to nurse a fever, cold and cough for the past three days have not helped either.

But I shall try to be happier. I shall try to live a little. I shall try to accept invites from friends to go out soon. But for today, the last day of CNY, I am entitled to brood just a little while longer.

Happy Chap Goh Meh everyone.

I

2007-01-31T16:16:00.000+08:00

I AM : woman, hear me roar !
I WANT : all that my heart desires (if that is possible).
I WISH : I have the guts to take on a lover.
I HATE : missing out on my gym rountine.
I MISS : having passion in my life.
I FEAR : being old, & fat , & lonely.
I HEAR : my conscience , all the time
I WONDER : how having no responsibilities feel like...
I REGRET : nothing... all choices & decisions , good or bad, made me who I am today.
I AM NOT : patient with stupid people.
I DANCE : with Rachel all the time.. just for the heck of it.
I SING : everyday.
I CRY : during sad moments.
I AM NOT ALWAYS : strong & fearless all the time.
I MAKE WITH MY HANDS : pretty presents.
I WRITE : whenever I am inspired.
I CONFUSE : left & right when they are given out in languages other than English.
I NEED : sex (right now)
I SHOULD : probably take a cold shower to stop me from thinking bout sex.
I START : hyperventilating when I am anxious.
I FINISH : (ed) a couple of chocolate macadamia nut cookies a few minutes ago. (yum)
I LOVE : shopping, shopping, shopping
I REMEMBER : Everything ( well....almost)
I DESIRE : being desired.
I CAN : keep a secret.
I CAN'T : learn to say No to people sometimes.
I HAVE : my nails done every week.
I HAVE NOT : really laughed for a long time.

How comfortable are you ?

2006-11-04T23:44:00.000+08:00

Being naked in front of strangers, that is ... Or friends, or your mother ( & father : for guys) for that matter.

Not out in the open , for no apparent reason of course.

As far as I can remember, since I was thirteen and swimming lessons was mandatory in our Convent School, my friends have always been shy to change in front of each other. As our school does not have a swimming pool, I remember having to trudge across the road to Ave Maria Convent , where they have a pool for our double period of swimming lessons. It was either the first two periods of the day or the last two periods of the day.

As each period is a mere forty minutes ( if i remember correctly) it just gives us a mere an hour and ten minutes to walk to the pool, change, dive in for whatever stroke we were supposed to learn, and walk back in time for the next period or if it was the last two period, to rush back to collect our school bags and our rides home.

And as the changing room has only two cubicle showers (which has no door), all of us were forced to change out in the open. ( Voyeur heaven = a bunch of Convent schoolgirls stripping out of their pinafores and into bathing suits).

I still remember the really shy ones will come to school with their swim suits underneath their pinafores. Which can be really uncomfortable as back then we did not have the light weight , almost as good as second skin kind of swim suits. Imagine stewing under your uniform for at least four bloody hours( if you have the misfortune of having the last two preiods of the day for swimming).... Not good for circulation at all.

The ones who chose comfort will bring their swim suits to school. However, when it is time to change, they will pull out huge blankets and sarongs which they will drape around them.

After draping the said towel and sarongs around, they will proceed to take out their outer pinafore, cotton blouse, bra and knickers ( whilst trying to keep the towel and sarongs around them with their teeth, clanched between chin and shoulder, chin and collarbone) and THEN pulling on their lycra swim suit- All this WITHOUT showing a hint of boobs, ass or pussy.

I swear, this is no easy task. And all this in 5 minutes ( time you are given to change and jump into the pool) with our Physical Education teacher Ms Yap hollering at you to "Make it snappy".
You have to be really flexible or a contortionist to be able to achieve this mean feat.

Me, I would just strip down to my birthday suit and pull on my suit. Of course, there were a couple of other girls who would also do that. And we were always the first out of he changing room.

Fast forward to today and I see the same thing at the gym. Most ladies will slink into the toilet cubicle to change. And, I would get funny stares as I strip down and change right there in the middle of the changing room, in front of the locker. And after they shower, they will change in the shower stalls but I would walk from the shower stall, dry off in front of my locker and change there cos I don't fancy changing in a wet shower stall.

And, if you are buck naked, I realize that the will avoid looking at you, even when they are talking to you, though they see you at the gym everyday.

Why ? Is is because they are not comfortable with their own bodies ? Is it because we are Asians and it is not very Asian to be naked in front of others ? Is it rude to flaunt your two spotlights and your bush to others, albeit in the confines of a ladies locker room? Is it because we are just uptight and have hangups about our bodies ?

I have my fair share of hangups about my body but I am comfortable being naked in front of my daughter, my mom, in any ladies locker room and in front of all my girl friends( useful for sales time as you can share dressing rooms).

So, how comfortable are you ?

If you are not, that's why there will always be changing rooms. With doors.

Things you might not know about me

2006-10-29T11:20:00.000+08:00

Before you people continue reading this list, you are required to make a couple of promises :

1) You shall not use any of these against me :

(a) if we were to fight in the future
(b) to embarass me during social functions

2) You shall not judge me nor think any lesser of me ( but even if you did, who cares ? This is me and people who are worthy will love me as I am)

And specially for Rachel :

You shall not say things like " But mom... you did this too when you were young..." when you want to do certain things. Will not work on me, k baby ?

Things you might not know about me :

1) I am petrified of being fat. I was a rather plump kid and had my uncles calling me fat when I was young.

2) I am an exercise freak ( as a result of (a)) and is really obsessive compulsive about NOT missing my gym time.

3) I lost my virginity at 18... to an older man.

4) I play the piano, organ and am one mean drummer.

5) I am a speed fiend and love driving fast.

6) I am addicted to peanut butter. And i eat it straight off the jar. My breakfast most mornings except for weekends will be : 2 tablespoons of peanut butter and a cup of coffee. And it has to be the chunky version. I don't like the creamy version.

7) I love bread. Can eat bread 365 days for the rest of my life and I will die happy.

8) I hate durians . Can't stand the smell and I gag if I were to even catch a whiff of them from afar.

9) But I love petai. Cooked in any other manner or raw. They are heavenly.

10) I am also a chocolate addict. Chocolate covered everything is good..... Yum....

11) I love to dance. I danced whenever I have the chance.

12) I hate cockroaches. I run a mile when I see them. Can't stand them but dare not kill them.

13) I am good in bed. Very, very good...

14) I can hold my alcohol very very well and can drink many people under the table so don't ever challenge me to a drinking session.

15) I drink my coffee white. With no sugar.

16) I watched Grease 8 times when it was first released. With 8 different boys... and each one of them thought I was watching it for the first time. (Hmm... I was such a flirt & a tease..)

17) I am good friends with all my ex boyfriends except one.

18) I have a very healthy bowel and I need to go to the loo after every meal. ( I know.. i know.. This is information overload). Helps keep me trim.

19) I don't wear knickers unless I am wearing skirts or am having that time of the month. And I go braless whenever I can.

20) I am an insomniac and am quite dependant on sleeping pills to aid me sleep. I stock up on sleeping pills each time I go to US.

21) I am a perfectionist and I drive my family crazy sometimes.

22) I am guilty of flaunting my sexuality to get things done at times....

23) I am a voracious reader and I devour like 4 to 5 books every month.

24) I love running.

25) I can't hold the chopsticks properly.

26) My vital stats are 34-25-36. And yes... I am bootylicious.

27) I love massages.

28) I have an over active imagination so I am absolutely bad at horror and stalker movies where there is a lot of blood and gore. I am the kind that will put her hands over her eyes and keep on nudging the person next to me whilst asking " Is it over ? Is it over ? " and if I can't cover my eyes in time, will jump three feet high whilst screaming out " Fuck, That frightened the shit out of me". I did not dare go to the toilet in my own house for like a whole month after Exorcist.

29) I once stood up a guy who booked a whole disco to surprise me for my 16th birthday. I was so heartless .... No amount of nudging from my friends changed my mind.

30) I don't like pork. And won't eat it unless forced to.

31) I am tall - 5 feet 6 inches tall on my bare toes. And I love four inch stilettoes. So with shoes on, I will be 5 feet 10 inches tall. Which is taller than most Malaysian men. Which is why I used to worry about not finding a mate who will be taller than me. I found him though... hubby is a 6 footer.

32) I have sun kissed skin. Everyone who meets me for the first time always comments on my beatiful glowing tan. Its natural , people... as a result of my Chinese-Nyonya-Thai heritage.

33) I once managed to catch a thief in dressed in my short mini skirt and four inch stilettoes. And no human, man or woman came to my rescue. Yes, I can run like the wind even in high heels.

34) You know the "nuts" they serve you at restaurants and pubs ? I only pick up "whole" nuts to eat. Those that are 'halfed" I don't eat.

35) I used to go for stake outs with undercover cops during one of my first jobs . ( Now... I wonder what she does..... ) Nope, I was not a cop. Cool eh ?

Bitching Therapy

2006-10-27T23:31:00.000+08:00

The long Deepa Raya break gave me some time to catch up with some girl pals for some long awaited 'bitching' therapy that was way long overdue.

It had been quite a long while since Queenie, Janne and moi got together for a girls' day out. So it was with much eager anticipation when we finally got together at Prego's at Westin.

Over a five cheese pizza ( which was heavenly) , ceasar salad ( good) , tiramisu ( sinful but worth every mouthful of guilt) and coffee, we re- bonded and had a wonderful session of bitching and gossiping which did wonders for our well- being.

We bitched and gossiped about :

a) our hubbies and/or ex hubbies
b) one particular psycho friend whom I cannot mention here
c) stress at work and psycho workmates
d) sex or lack thereof
e) other people's hubbies
f) what lovers will do for you vs what hubbies will do for you
g) our fantasy f***s

This followed by retail therapy was pure bliss and worth every second.

Here's to wonderful girl friends. May we have more bitching sessions soon.

Encounter with a sampah throwing maniac

2006-10-24T10:22:00.000+08:00

Was stuck in a horrendous jam last Thursday. Took me three hours from my manicurist's place in Taman Maluri to my gym at New World . After a session of kick boxing (with wobbly legs) and a hot shower, I was caught in another jam going home ( at 9.30pm).

It was at the traffic lights when I saw this car next to me starting to unload their rubbish onto the streets of Jalan Ampang. I mean this woman was literally 'spring-cleaning' the car. Out came soiled tissues, bits of food ( I think) and what nots. And she was doing it with her children sitting next to her!

I was on the phone with a bored girlfriend who was also stuck in the jam. I just gestured with my hand whilst telling my girlfriend " Look la, The next car is spewing rubbish out of the car. What kind of people are these? Buang sampah in your own car la or at least keep it in the car till you get home".

The wife saw me gesturing and proceeded to tell the husband, whom proceeded to wind down the window and shouted at me. He kept asking me whether I had a problem and looks as if he would very much like to tear my head off or at least come down and beat me up(a woman) .

I swear that if I was not on the line at that moment, I would have :

a) stopped the car and cooly picked up the bits of rubbish and throw them back in to their car.
b) lectured them about keeping their rubbish in their own home, car, etc.
c) educated them on the use of a rubbish bin.
d) gave them tips on how to be good parents by showing a good example.. a sampah throwing dad/mom will breed sampah throwing children.
e) taken a picture with my phone and posted their faces and car number around town.
f) asked them if they are aware that people like them are the ones who contribute to flash floods in KL as they are the very culprits that clog up our drains resulting in horrendous jams like the one we are currently caught in.

However, I restrained myself and nonchalantly looked ahead as I don't want to be the first road rage victim of a sampah throwing maniac.....

Guess my age....

2006-10-23T12:38:00.000+08:00

Well.. no one seems to be able to do it. Correctly I mean. I have had guesses ranging from 27 ( which to me is also a bit too far fetched) to 32 (which is as young as it gets).

I was at a function two Saturdays ago when this "auntie" (She may be just as old as me only but I didn't ask) who sat next to me and proceeded to give me a lecture about relationships and marriages.

Auntie : You got boyfriend ah ??

Me : Yes, but none serious ( which is the truth.. I have a hubby instead)

Auntie : How old are you ah ? Twenty Seven ? Aiya you young people must have faith in marriages. No point pak tor so long and then also break up. In relationships, you must give and take......drones on and on

She proceeded to then take my palm and gave me a life reading.

Auntie : Wah, you have a very good career line. You very intelligent and everything you touch will turn to gold one

Me (thinking silently to me self) : Yahoo, I have Midas touch.. sighs, how come I don't enough to retire yet?

Auntie : You are a born leader and every time you open your mouth, people will sure listen one

Me : Hmmm... maybe I should consider a career in politics.

Auntie : You have three siblings.

Me ( springs up up right, hey : she's right! maybe she does have psychic abilities after all) : Yes, I do have three siblings..

Auntie : Whom you are not close to at all..

Me ( whoosh, down comes the interest level again...) : Actually, we are very close...

Auntie : I mean they live far away and you don't see them very often..

Me ( trying to pull back hand now... I do see them often except for one brother who lives in London) : Actually I have a brother in London and I actually see other siblings quite fre.....

Auntie : See , see... I am right. Aiya but your love line ah... not so smooth ah.... A lot of bumps ah. All your relationships with men ah... sure got problem one ah..

Me : What kind of problems ah ?

Auntie : You have a lot of men interested in you ah... So, you must not give all your heart to one person .... otherwise, you sure get disillusioned with love .

Me (thinking to self) : I thought you just told me to have faith in marriage ?

Luckily I was rescued by my girlfriend just then.. Anyway, I digress ... Back to my age.

Was at a club (let's just call it Club V.. shy to even say I was there at my age...my daughter's friends goes there) at Jalan Ampang a couple of nights ago with some girl friends from Singapore. Will not have picked that place but the Singaporeans insisted. I was like... hey, that's like a young place and we, or rather I would feel really old and out of place..

So there we were, inside the club(my first time there, btw). I looked around and saw... much to my relief, that there were a handful of men who were much older than us ( but hey, they most probably are sad desperate old men trying their luck to pickup some sweet young thing ...). Other than that, most of the patrons were probably in their mid twenties to mid thirties).

Was just drinking and dancing and chatting with my friends when a bunch of guys came over ..

Guy : Hi... never seen you around before ....

Me : That's because I've never been here before.

Guy : How come ? You not local ?

Me : Not my kind of place (... thinks .. please leave me alone)

Guy : So.. how young are you ?

Me : Older than you.

Guy : Cannot be ... you must be like .... 30 ?

Me : Trust me, I am older than you...

Guy : So.. where is your boyfriend ?

Me : Which one ?

Guy : Wah... you got so many ah ?

Me : Ya.. I am a mistress of a big time gangster tai ko and if you don't stop trying to pick me up, his bodyguards will come beat you to a pulp. I won't want your cute little face to be rearranged..

Guy : Slinks away...

I guess I should be lucky that I am getting mistaken for a 32 year old but what IS the obessesion with age anyway ? It's just a number.

Rachel will always tell me : Mom....you should tell them your real age.... You look damn good. Yes, I do but why bother ? Short of making them gawp in disbelief or making them feel bad ( if they are younger but look older) there really is no point.

Come to think of it, even when I was way younger, I always had the problem of being mistaken for being younger.

I remembered this incident during one trip to Genting Highlands Casino. A group of us wanted to get in ... Keith wanted to try his luck at the one arm bandit. I was quite reluctant cos I hated the place... Full of China men in bad batik shirts borrowed from the counter over pot bellies and equally bad T shirts underneath and a hint of desperation in betting away their hard earned monies and striking it rich..

Anyways, we were going through the security gate when it was my turn ..

Security Guard : Amoi, Umur berapa ?

Me : Dua puluh tujuh.

Security Guard : Mana ada dua puluh tujuh? Kalau umur lapan belas, tak boleh masuk.

Me : Memang dua puluh tujuh ... bang.

Security Guard : Tunjuk IC.

Me : (hands over IC) : Nah... tak tipu bang.

Security Guard : Gave me the once over and waves me in.

Guess I have good genes to thank for it. But hey people, age is just a number. The important thing is that you have lived life to the fullest.

So.. stay young people.

My life list

2006-10-01T17:04:00.000+08:00

1) Be healthy.
2) Be happy, really happy.
3) Be thankful for all that I have, always.
4) Be a good friend.
5) Keep secrets.
6) Keep in touch with people I love and (who) loves me.
7) Don't be a victim of society.
8) Love with passion and abandon.
9) Remember birthdays.
10) Appreciate money but don't worship it.
11) Seize every moment.
12) Live every day as if it is my last.
13) Learn how to relax and let go sometimes...
14) Bungee jump.
15) Take time and make time for family and friends.
16) Learn French & Japanese.
17) Volunteer for a charity.
18) China.
19) Spend more time with Granny.
20) Take up a course in wine.
21) Never be ashamed of who I am.
22) Experienced unbridled passion ( at least once in my life)
23) Be spontaneous.
24) Laugh at myself.
25) Just laugh.
26) India.
27) Kilimanjaro.
28) Have a nude portrait of myself done.
29) Have no regrets.
30) Learn to say no.
31) Be proud of myself.
32) Be less critical and analytical.
33) White water rafting.
34) Ibiza.
35) Tap Dance.
36) Salsa.
37) Get enough sleep.
38) Be closer to God.
39) Grow old gracefully.
40) Learn Mandarin.
41) Put less worth on material things.
42) Run a marathon.
43) Sky Dive.
44) Learn to be alone.
45) Conquer my fear of loneliness.
46) Learn to love myself more.
47) Cherish past love and memories.
48) Be more expressive.
49) Throw caution to the wind sometimes.
50) Adopt a underpriveledged kid.
51) Alaska.
52) Live in France, eventually.
53) Care not what people think about me.
54) Be less judgemental.
55) Be not afraid of having my heart broken.
56) Pursue happiness.
57) Drink more water.
58) Be honest with my feelings.
59) Be a good daughter.
60) Be a good sister.
61) Be a good mom.
62) Be a good wife.
63) Forgive my Dad.
64) Value love and life.
65) Be happy. Really really really happy...

Old friends and fond memories

2006-08-19T22:53:00.000+08:00

Despite the stress of last month, it was actually a pretty good month for me where old friends are concerned.

I, for one is the worst person to keep in touch with. With my busy busy schedule, I am often guilty of deleting my old friends' e-mails without even reading them, known famously for not returning calls and a frequent absentee from all gatherings that anyone took the trouble to organize.

I know not what came over me but it started off with Siew Jong calling me one day and asking if I would be attending an old CGBC gathering at Marche, Movenpick. (CGBC is short for Canning Garden Baptist Church in Ipoh where I spent my teenage and somewhat formative years). I was not able to actually give her an affirmative answer ( as usual) as I was really not sure if there will be an event that weekend.

Anyways the weekend rolled by and I decided on a whim to actually make an effort to go. It was actually fabulous to see all the guys and gals who grew up same time with me . It was good to see my Pastor Richard & his wife Jackie though I was much surprised to see how liberal they were with their daughter Faith. She had a rasfatarian hairstyle, goth nails painted black, kohl rimmed eyes and piercings all over. However, she proved to be an intelligent girl, very grounded and got on like a house on fire with Rachel (who gamely tagged along with me to the said gathering).

Well most of the guys like have put on like a ton of weight and like are double or triple their size. Those that were still trim are balding... The gals didnt change much and still kept their trim figures though. All in all it was a pretty good catch up session.

Later in the week, Irene Yeoh (my bestest friend ever) came down and we actually caught up at One Utama for coffee. Even though it was just a short one hour coffee catch up, it was good to see her. Irene is one friend who is always on my mind. We see each other once a year during CNY when I go back to Ipoh. Despite the rare face to face meetings, ours is a friendship that transcends time and whenever we meet, it is as if those gaps never existed and we can just pick up where we left off a year ago. She is a great friend whom I grew up with and will probably grow old with.

Two weeks ago, I was entertaining some clients at Rum Jungle and lo and behold ! who do I spy but a couple of my ex colleagues and my ex Amex boss, Dominic. He was back for good from Philippines where he was based for like the last ten years. I was drinking and dancing to myself and looking aroud the pub, feeling bored and not very inclined to make conversation with my clients when I saw this huge giant man who looks very familiar ( those who knoe Dom know what a big gentle giant he is) . I just hollered out DOM! and he reacted. He could also recognise me and we really caught up on some good old times. Chitra was there too but he sort of regaled the tale that I am one of the girls who used to go in "braless" to work during my Amex time to the group of people he was with.

There goes my reputation down the drain. I beg to differ though... Very short micro skirts and little black dresses - yes, I did that and still doing it but braless in to work ?? NEVER! It was Amanda that holds that title. I mean I do the braless thing too but don;t ever remember doing that during work hours.

Anyway what's wrong in going braless ? It is actually very liberating and let's face it, a personal choice and there really are some clothes you just can't wear with a bra. But somehow, if you do it here in Malaysia, a great deal is often made out of it. Well Amanda and all gals who has a hot bod out there, my motto is If you got it, flaunt it girl!

I also bumped into Vee Pin and we had a tete a tete over wine at La Bodega the other day. I had a wonderful time and we managed to polished off two whole bottles of red. She still looks good and vivacious as ever even though she does not trust MEN ever ever now and NO! she will not change her mind. I can't blame her though. She went through ike 3 very nasty breakups and all three of her boyfrined cheated big time on her.

I was there through it all and held her hand and gave her my shoulder. It was a very traumatising period for her but I am glad she is happy and being comfortable and confident of herself now. We both could laugh about it now and we could see how the experience have shaped her.

So, here's to good old friends. I resolve to take time and make it a point to sometimes stop and smell the roses and make an effort to really spend time with old friends.

So, to my good friends : Irene Yeoh, Vee Pin, Janne, Keith, Kenny, Shereen, Tuck, Queenie. Alfred, Siew Jong, KT.... I love you guys.

Mid life crisis

2006-08-17T02:54:00.000+08:00

Well, it's been two whole months since I've last blogged. It's like 3 am in the morning and I just woke up with a giant whopper of a stomach ache. Been having this upset stomach since Tuesday which makes me suspect that I actually might be allergic to putting food into my stomach.

Well, that niggly stomach woke me up and am unable to go back to sleep so have decided to come downstairs to spend some alone time with my thoughts. Rachel was blogging late into the night so there goes the alone time but then it felt intimate to be up in the middle of the night with my daughter even though she just duly passed the laptop to me and went upstairs to pack her stuff for college tomorrow.

Well, Rod Stewart is playing softly as I seriously think of what I really want to write about. My thoughts are all over the place and have not been sleeping good lately with a 2.45 am automatic wake up call that my brain and body seem unable to be shaking off. Probably a sign of getting old....

Sitting here and typing randomly, I realised that often I have restrained putting my real thoughts and feelings into pouring out my thoughts when I write as family and friends read the blog and I, as usual don't want to hurt their feelings and really.. some dark thoughts and secret passionate yearnings that I am having I'd really rather keep deep within my own deep recesses.

Guess restraining myself like that have been making me feel out of sorts and it's been making me feel quite trapped and asking if this is all there is to life ? Am I going through a mid life crisis ? Life is just too normal ..... As I go through everyday, I find myself getting tired of the everyday simple mundaness of things. It' s as if I am just going through the motions and the very actions of just living is a burden. Have not been going to church and God is actually quite far away at the moment...

Have been feeling like this for the past two months and really struggling to be happy. Cos that's what I have been lately... I am unhappy. Really unhappy. Can't pin point why I am unhappy though... its been a really long time that I have felt pure joy and passion.

Been missing Rachel lately too. She has just started college and made new friends and just discovered the power of being female. Even though we are really close .. closer than other moms and daughters are anyway can't shake off the feeling that I am losing her. Whilst on one hand I really want her to have the time of her life and experience all the exhilarating things being young has to offer, I can't help but to feel shut out when she spends all the time chatting with friends.... I guess I should respect her privacy and let her go but then she will always be my baby.

Also I probably wanted to relive my youth through her and I envy her the chances and opportunities that I never had when was her age. My siblings and I have always had it hard and all the things that young people nowadays take for granted , we had to stuggle for.

So it's been a kind of a stuggle for me lately... Life. Just felt like it's been a struggle since young even though I am proud of what I have achieved - a successful business, a loving husband, wonderful daughter and a closely knitted family.

Also, went through a really rough patch with my business partner which very nearly caused the whole partnership to be dissolved. Was depressed and stressed out like shit for like a whole week and even though everything is ok now... it still feels like both of us are treading on eggshells and restraining our words and feelings and actions which is really quite hard.

A lot of bad feelings and angry words were uttered during that couple of days and I guess both of us are still reeling and recovering from the force of resentment and anger being hurled both ways. Still recovering from that fiasco .... I guess both of us are overworked and stress finally took a toll on both of us... I really need to get away for a holiday soon.

Really need to rekindle the passion in Life soon. Also met some guys during the course of my work who were attracted to me and actually told me so. Its good to have my self esteem lifted up this way. I can still turn heads and look damn good for my age. However, instead of feeling good about it I was actually sad about it cos the one person whom I wanted to see me as gorgeous, attractive and worth paying attention too is also too caught up with Life to do that.

Before we take each other for granted, I want to do something about it so hubby, if you are reading this.. how about taking a romantic getaway to discover each other sound to you ?

I need to get away and discover unbridled passion, pure joy and love and I don't wanna do it alone. And I need to do it soon before I go insane and do something rash that I might regret.

So people... please pray for me.

Tagged - Doggone It!!!

2006-06-23T22:20:00.000+08:00

I've been tagged by my exasperating daughter, Rachel, who said that the only reason she is tagging me is that I have had nothing to blog about currently.

AWESOME PEOPLE I WOULD WANT TO MEET:

1. Oprah Winfrey
2. Sting
3. Anna Wintour
4. Dr Mahathir
5. John F Kennedy ( but he's dead...)

THINGS I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT:

1. My Job.
2. My Exercise Time.
3. Music & books
4. My family & my dogs (ok!!! they are people but I can't live without them. I would place this as no 1 but I have a brat by my side who is droning on & on like this " Mum, you are supposed to name THINGS LA.... THINGS LA.... THINGS LA....")
5. My mobile.
6. My JAMBAN or a clean JAMBAN whenever I am travelling.

I WISH I COULD:

1. Stop being an anxiety freak & a worry wart.
2. Have more time to spend doing the things I love like : Being with my family, travelling, shopping, reading, catching up with my hobbies etc...
3. Tell people I can't stand to F off and not be so nice (contrary to the bitchy name that follows me around, I am actually quite a failure at being a bitch)
4. Have taken risks and follow my heart when I was younger but then, I would not have had Rachel and giving up what I wanted to do was worth it. ( I will share these secret yearnings with her one day...)
5. Give up my job.

I WANT:

1. To retire in a small village in France.
2. To do social work.
3. To travel and cover the parts of the world I haven't before I am six feet underground.
4. To age gracefully.
5. Rachel to be successful and happy and well loved in life.

SONGS THAT I THINK ARE AWESOME:

(as of this minute, cause it changes, depending on my mood)

1. Hips Don't Lie ( yeah, its corny but am trying to shake my booty like Shakira !)
2. Hundred Years - Five For Fighting
3. Walking on the Milky Way - Orchestral Manouvres in the Dark
4. Ole Devil Called Love - Billie Holiday
5. Everything and Anything by Queen.

HOW I SEE MYSELF IN 10 YEARS:

1. Still active and hopefully more settled.
2. Mellowed down.
3. Still needed by Rachel.
4. Having all the dogs I ever wanted and have the capacity to love.
5. Having all the people that I love still with me.

RANDOM FACTS:

1. I hate durians and durians are forbidden in the house. I absolutely gag if I were to even get a whiff of them five doors away and it doesn't matter if you gargle with Listerine before coming near me, cos I can smell them.
2. I can't do without my poo-poo time each morning. If I can't go, I can't eat or think or function as a sane human being.
3. The only time I am not thinking ( and I think a lot as I am an over analyzing, borderlining obsessive compulsive and the most nit picking perfectionist freako that ever exists) and my mind is totally free and exhilarated is when I am running.
4. I can't stand people who are lazy or stupid or ignorant. I can't stand procastinators or liars. I can't stand people who talks a lot but do nothing. I do not suffer fools lightly and I am absolutely horrified with bad customer service.
5. I am a sucker for all things beautiful , an extreme shopaholic and also a reality TV freak.
6. I am a loner and love being alone but yet the thing I feared the most is being lonely. Is there a difference? Yes, I think so.

MISCONCEPTIONS:

1. I am not a bitch. I just look like a bitch but actually am a softie at heart. However, I do stand up for what I feel is right and is very very frank, outspoken, direct and I do not mince my words when I voice my opinions and that might be misconstrued as bitchiness but I am truly not. Just ask my fan club.
2. I cannot live without shopping. I can. Well for a couple of weeks.. which is a long time.
3. I am a tai-tai that do not have to lift a single finger. I am not... I am actually very domesticated and yes, I can do the laundry, mop the floors.paint the whole house single handedly with Chee Kan and cook and I am pretty darn good at it. Just ask Rachel.
4. My bite is worse than my bark. Actually, I bark a lot but I don't bite!!! ( unless bitten)
5. Just because I am a lady I am a bad driver. Bring it on boys. I am actually a lot better and more skillful than a lot of you male drivers out there.

WHO I WANT TO TAG:

1. My sis ( But she was also tagged by Rachel)
2. Kim ( Slim chance as her blog is pratically haunted)
3. Gary ( If he can get his hands on Internet access up inthe hills of Mizoram)
4. Jason ( you're my best hope of getting any response)
5. My hubby ( in faith , for when he eventually start a blog)

Oh! To be young again

2006-06-10T17:28:00.000+08:00

..... Not that I am old, mind you. The forties are, after all , the new twenties. With new technology in cosmetology, and tons of choices of wonderful anti ageing, lifting, peeling, whitening and what-not creams available in the market today, ageing might be a thing of the past. You can literally stop time if you have enough moolah.

Me, however, will prefer to age gracefully. Sure, I do my part of slathering on liberally anti ageing creams every night (only when I remember, actually and if I am not too tired and lazy.. which I am most of the time) and sun screen every morning but I will not succumb to cosmetic surgery and end up with stiff smiles and an unnaturally smooth neck.

I am lucky to have good genes and still look pretty darn good for my age. I have people guessing me to be ten years younger than I actually am( come to think of it.. so does my sis and my mom, who, by the way, is one hot funky grandma). So I guess I have to thank her and probably my estranged dad for it. ( I would propbably get slack from my ferocious sis for thanking him, but hey, all our aunties from dad's side still look darn good for their age).

But there are things, which , despite looking younger than your age, you are no longer able to do. Like :
a) Eating with reckless abandon and not put on a single bit of weight.
b) Never having to exercise to keep the flab away. (I , for one is determined to keep my body as trim as possible , hence, people, please understand my obsession with my strict gym regimen.)
c) Purchasing whatever catches your fancy without minding the dollars & cents. ( Currently, drooling over a Gucci bag but have decided to forgo it, in view of the many things that I need to get for the house, not to mention another five more years of college fees)
d) Not having cellulite.. Damn, these things creep up on you.
e) Partying all night long.
f) Packing your bags and leave home for an adventure/romantic getaway/holidays on a whim.
g) Letting go and having reckless fun without a care in the world.
h) Not being able to thread the needle or read instruction panels without your daughter's help.
i) Having boundless amount of energy to do stuff and not having back aches and fatigue after
having done them.
j) Abandoning your responsibilities as wife, mom, daughter... sometimes... when things gets too overwhelming.

But heck, I wouldn't trade my life now for anything else.

A tale of two dogs

2006-05-12T09:50:00.000+08:00

I finally did the deed! I threw all caution to the wind and with reckless abandon with nary a thought for the consequences that I will have to suffer, went ahead and did it.

What exactly did I do ? Well... I went ahead and bought another dog. For the less initiated as to why this is such a monumental task (for me , at least) and why I should blow my own trumpet and laud this achievement is because I, unlike some lucky dog lovers out there .... have a protagonist known as my dear old mother- in- law(herein known as DOMIL).

Don't be misunderstood, I love my domil to death. Just that she has this thing about having a dog or two dogs, for that matter now.

A bit of history.... I already have a cute , littel adorable Yorkshire Terrier who is 3 1/2 years old. When i first broached the subject about ever buying a dog three years ago, I was shot down, vehemently denied, and endlessly nagged about how a dog will mess up the house, how he/she will not fit in and how it will bring about the death of her(my domil, that is) if a dog ever exists in our home.

When I bought Archie home 3 1/2 years ago, I was nagged at for two whole months before domil slowly but surely fell head over hells in love with him. Archie melted her heart and she changed to a doting grandma who loved him till death. She took him for endless walks, prepare his meals with love, antagonise when he is sick, frets when he got a bad hair cut, and hurries home from her outings because she is worried that Archie is home alone.

So, when I broached the subject of getting another dog, she adamantly refuse as she feels she has only enough love for one dog. Anyway , to cut a long story short, three weeks ago, I went and bought another dog. Meet Chester ( a miniature shnauzer).... rascal personified, but cute as hell...

Domil went ballistic on the day I bought Chester home and did not speak to me for a whole day. I swear I was actually petrified of her not ever talking to me ever again that I did not sleep that night.

However, alls well that ends well. Domil has fallen in love with Chester ( a record time of two weeks!) and eventhough he is still quite a handful, it proves that there is enough love for two dogs ( or more , if I have my way) in all of us.

So, we would like to welcome Chester to the family. May Archie & Chester continue to bring more joy & love into this family for many years to come. I definitely know that they have brought much happiness into our lives and what better testimonial than my wonderful relationship with my domil now ( we used to fight like cats pre doggy time).

We love you, Archie & Chester.... Now and forever.

Life's a bitch

2006-03-10T00:55:00.000+08:00

Well.... at least for the moment. Have been working non stop 24 /7 for the past couple of months.

This has led to :

1) Me forgetting what sleep is. Whatever sleep I managed to get is intersperced with nightmares of missed deadlines and demented clients demanding a pound of flesh from me.
2) Missing out on all my gym time. Luckily stress is a natural appetite suppressant so I am still ok in the weight region.
3) Me neglecting my Archie doggy boy. Breaks my heart seeing his pair of doleful eyes pleading me to play with him. I promise I will make it up to you, ok boy?
4) Sacrificing my quality time with hubby and girl. (Think college fees, college fees, college fees).
5) Me lugging my girl to office every other day cos i miss her. I know it's not exactly her idea of fun but she does it to give me moral support and it's much appreciated. Somehow bad days seem more bearable when she is there.
6) Not having manage a single visit to the hairdresser which on the plus side is saving me tons of money... ok, ok I admit it... am also trying to grow my hair.
7) Me being in a real foul mood. I have been screaming at almost anything and anybody. Caught myself screaming at a necklace that refused to fasten around my neck one morning and decided that I am turning into a nut case and nervous wreck very soon.
8) Missing out on all my favorite reality shows which puts me in a foul mood. Hell hath no fury like a reality TV freak who missed her dose of The Amazing Race & Project Runway.
9) Me being a first class nagger. I had lots of practise nagging at designer's who missed deadlines on purpose, staff who are slip shod, restaurants who are slow to bring the food or ring up the bill cos they all cost me the most precious commodity.. TIME.
10) Skimming through the newspapers every morning but not really reading it. My world has been reduced to work , work & work only.
11) Not calling gramps to ask how she is. Mental note to self : CALL GRAMPS.
12) Not blogging for ages. Well, am blogging now cos am waiting for some designs to come in and am trying hard not to fall asleep whilst waiting, hence, this befuddled long sentence that , in an English test , will break all the rules on punctuation, grammar and all the Queen of England's take on the English Language.
13) Not making any sense on what I've just written above in point 12.
14) Talking to myself all the time. People walking by me or seeing me inside my car will think I am some pathetic recluse who have no friend's ( real) which resulted in me taking to friend(imaginary).
15) Not having a weekend at all for like a gazillion years.
16) Not having the faintest idea of what to write anymore in this entry cos I am officially brain dead right now.

So, till I get my normal life back... here's hoping Life had been treating all of you better.

A word of thanks

2005-12-13T01:19:00.000+08:00

This is a dedication to all my uncles and aunt who have been more than just uncles and aunt to me. They are the dad we never had, the men who have shaped us and been there for us through hard and tough times and for that dear uncles and aunt, we ( June, Jack & Joey and of course, our mom) are forever indebted and grateful.

We did not exactly have an easy childhood. Dad was an abuser, gambler, drinker and all of us suffered badly. If not for our uncles who have each touched our lifes individually in many ways, we will not be what we are today.So here is thanks to you, Uncle Loong, Uncle Chai, Uncle Daniel and Auntie Fong.

To Uncle Loong, thanks for :

a) Locking me up in the back room when I was rude to Gramps, it taught me not to be a brat and that I cannot have my way all the time.
b) Coming to our rescue each time Dad hit Mom. Mom would not have survived if you had not intervened at those times.
c) Taking us and all our friends in for all those movies free of charge. Who could forget watching Saturday Night Fever sitting on the steps of the movie theatre cos it was a full house but we got in anyway cos we were your nieces and nephews.... Walking in after school into the Lido theatre to catch a show and being allowed in without tickets cos we were your nieces and everyone knows us ? Jaws, Towering Inferno, The Exorcist and a slew of other movies will not be forgotten and I think of you each time I watch a re - run
d) Ferrying me and a whole load of my friends to and fro to the Cathay Cinema ( a total of four trips) for The Deep and getting the ten of us in free !! I was quite the show-off and the heroine that day in my friends' eyes.
e) Taking us to Jubilee Park and getting us all the merry-go-round rides and ferris wheel rides for free.
f) Picking me up from the bus station/airport each time I go back to Ipoh.
g) Picking me up and sending me for music lessons, tuition, everywhere else when it rains.

To Uncle Chai, thanks for

a) Financing us and bailing us out all the time. We would have starved and gone by without books and shelter is you had not bailed us out those many times when we needed it.
b) Not expecting us to pay you back a single penny but we really want you to know that we will take care of you now and forever.
c) Introducing us to Theresa Teng and Yau Su Roong and "Ching Tien Pu Hooi Chia" which was quite a inapproriate song for five year olds to learn but then hey, we did not know that the song was describing the life our dad was living then. We just enjoyed belting the chorus out at the top of our lungs.
d) Teaching us to not give up in life even when adversity strikes and to still live life to the fullest and to the best of your ability. Even in our full capacity self, we will not have as many friends we can depend on as you and that says a lot for your character.
e) Still thinking of us even when we are 40 year olds and calling to check on how we are until today. It means a lot to us.

To Uncle Daniel, thanks for :

a) Introducing me to the wonderful world of story books and Dandy and Beano. It made me a voracious reader and helped me escape into a world where I could truly be free.
b) Introducing me to pop music. It is through you that I got to know Elvis Presley, Cliff Richard, Rod Stewart, Bee Gees and my life has never been without music since.
c) Financing my music lessons.
d) Buying me a bike when all my friends had one and you know I wanted one.
e) Buying me another bike when my first bike got stolen.
f) Taking me along for all your family trips. It is through you and Auntie Susan that I got my first taste of KL, Singapore, Penang, Johore and all the other places you took me to. felt that I was the luckiest kid in the world.
g) Letting me stay over every weekend without fail and giving me a room at your house and not minding that I was quite a permanent fixture at your house all the time.
h) Auntie Susan, who have shaped and influence us in more ways than you would ever know. (TVB movies -- who could forget marathons with her ?)
i) Still being the voice of reason and reminder of just how good God is all the time.

Auntie Fong, thanks for :

a) All the free fishes and seafood that we could possibly eat.
b) Letting us run free and pick all the rambutans we wanted in your old house.
c) Being the bestest sis our mom could ever ask for.

And thanks for all the wonderful cousins we could ever ask for. We hope we will be able to reciprocate your kindness, love and compassion this lifetime.

For my baby........

2005-12-11T21:25:00.000+08:00

This one's for my baby.......who is now a young woman on the threshold of adulthood. How time flies and in a wink of an eye, she is all grown up and about to set forth into the scary real world. So I want her to know a few things that is in my heart and things which I might not have time to tell her.

I want her to know that :

1) I love her to bits and she is one of the three most important person in my life( the others being her good old dad and Archie)
2) I am tremendously proud of her even though I don't tell her that much.
3) I would love to take her through life and protect her from all the hard knocks and heartaches but I won't do that so that she will learn to be a better and stronger person.
4) I am glad that she has a good head on her shoulders and she is sensible and mature but then it is okay to let go and be crazy once in a while.
5) I love being her mom and best friend and confidante and hope that she will always treat me as such.
6) I love that she thinks I am cool.
7) In my very stressed hours, I think of her and it makes things better.
8) I would do anything and everything to protect her and provide for her.
9) A walk with God is something to be cherished and I pray that she will know Him as I know Him.
10) I will always nag and worry and that this will go on till she is sixty as I am her mom and I can't help it.
11) I know that sometimes it is time to let go and love from afar but I can't do it ( but I will try)
12) If all else fails her and if she needs anything, anytime, I am here.
13) I may not be able to give her everything but she can be always be assured of my love.
14) I am learning from her as much as she is learning from me so be patient if I am lost sometimes.
15) It is better to give than to receive and she should always be generous with her love and life and it will come back to her many folds.
16) I am not perfect and I make mistakes but I try my best.
17) She may not be perfect and she makes mistakes but it it important to have tried her best.
18) Family ties are important and to love her extended family who also loves her to bits.
19) It is good to always repay and reciprocate kindness, generosity and love but to always forget and forgive grudges, anger and revenge.
20) It is important to be an individual without shutting out people around you.
21) I want her to be happy and to live her life to the fullest.
22) I want her to love and care passionately and adundantly.
23) She is beautiful, inside & out.
24) Not everything I do is right and I am still learning how to be a better friend, daughter, sister, wife and mom every day of my life.
25) She will always be my baby.

So, dearest darling Rachel, this one's for you.

With lots of love from me,

Your Good Old Ma....

The weather woman

2005-11-26T10:31:00.000+08:00

Am feeling quite pissed (angry,frustrated,about to tear my hair out kind of pissed/ not DRUNK!) since last night an am dying to unload my two cents worth on The Weather Woman.

"Who is she?" you may ask. But I am afraid that this information is only privy to the ones closest to me and you guys know who you are.

The Weather Woman is one person who, as the name suggests very "weathery".(if there is such a word). Unpredictable and erratic like the weather, she may be hot today, cold tomorrow and God forbid, frosty even (yes, that is very possible even in out tropical climate) the day after. Oh, let me change that.... she may be hot one second, cold for the next two hours and back to warm again the rest of the day (if I am lucky).

She is basically a B I T C H !

B - Borderline Insane/Scizo
I - Irrational
T - Temperamental , Totally Toxic
C - C * * *, Cold, Conniving, Calculative
H - Harpie

She is :

a) a bring me downer
b) a die if you do, die if you don't kind of person
c) someone who does not have a social life but resents those who do
d) one who must have if you have but ok if she has but you don't
e) rude and obnoxious
f) someone who screams at people 90% of the time
g) a repeat offender who slams down phone on you but goes berserk if you do it to her
h) insecure
i) very quick to point out fault in others but don't admit to having any faults herself
j) selfish
k) penny wise and pound foolish
l) petty
m) a big bully
n) vengeful ( woe to those who scorn her!!)
o) unforgiving
p) suspicious of everyone and everything
q) paranoid

And my mission is to be rid of her in my life ! Or pray for a miracle and that God will change her.

As of now, I will have to grit my teeth and bear with her so I guess I will have to pray hard for patience, love and forgiveness.

Of pet peeves and favourite things

2005-11-01T16:38:00.000+08:00

Am down with a high fever due to a sore throat that has been with me for about two weeks now. Was trying to fight it without going to the doctor but guess who won ? Yeah... the throat...

Was also trying to sleep but with the construction next door and right opposite, I gave up after like 45 minutes cos trying to sleep was giving me a major headache. So decided that I might as well make an entry to my blog.

My pet peeves (in no particular order)

1) Shoes strewn all over the entrance of the house.
2) People who have no respect for public property who vandalises things from the pay phone to toilet doors to lifts etc..
3) Inconsiderate drivers who chose to drive at 20 km an hour and insist on driving on the fast lane.
4) Queue jumpers.
5) Rubbish throwers who knows not what a garbage can is for.
6) Customer service people who does not understand the meaning of the word 'customer' and 'service' but still choose to be in a profession that is supposed to provide that.
7) Pet abusers. (They ought to be shot or be abused by their pets!)
8) Rude people.
9) Being served luke warm coffee when it is supposed to be hot.
10) Hubby not putting the cap back on the dog shampoo, his cleanser, the toothpaste, the disinfectant solution.....
11) People who sink their nails into the apples at the supermart only to leave them behind for other people to buy.
12) Holding your breath whilst talking to a person who is unaware they they have bad breath and hoping you gag reflex don't give way before you are done talking to them.
13) Procastination especially in me self .
14) ATM machines which are not in working order especially on your "I'm already late and only have RM 20/= in my wallet days."
15) Bad hair days.
16) Bad baju days.
17) Pre menstrual, anxiety stricken, stress freak, bloated stomach days.
18) Fools.
19) People who talks loudly and brings noisy children into the cinema.
20) Laziness.
21) Being angry at someone and having to keep it inside.
22) Having to pretend to be who I am not sometimes.
23) Hypocrites.
24) Not being confident in who I am.
25) Durians.
26) Walking into a dirty public toilet.
27) Being late.
28) Being kept waiting.

My Favourite Things ( in no particular order)

1) Rachel, Chee Kan & Archie
2) Reading the papers in the morning and sipping hot coffee.
3) The smell of coffee.
4) The smell of new laundry.
5) The smell of freshly cut grass.
6) Going for a run in the morning.
7) Curling up with a really good book.
8) Cosmopolitan ( the magazine, not the drink)
9) Pigging out on luxurious dark chocolate and Haagen Daz ice cream with Rachel.
10) Seeing the pure unadulterated joy on my dog's face when we are about to take him for a walk.
11) Coming home after a hard day's work.
12) Being loved and loving back.
13) Peopling my world with my favourite people ( you know who you are)
14) Seeing my dog jump for joy when I am home.
15) Reality TV.( I am a fanatic !)
16) Watching re-runs of Sex & the City & Friends over and over and over again.
17) Hugs & Kisses.
18) Hearing from a long lost friend whom you just thought about the night before.
19) Curling up to my hubby on a cold cold night.
20) Shopping.
21) Shopping.
22) Shopping.
23) The Oprah Winfrey Show.
24) Calling Gramps on the phone.
25) Mark & Jamie Ho.
26) My wonderful sister.
27) Fitting back into a pair of jeans which was too tight for me two months ago.
28) Having uninterrupted poo-poo time with a good book.
29) Smiling at a stranger and having them smile back at you.
30) Massages
31) Getting flowers for no reason at all.
32) Sharing a pure telephatic joke which only three of us can understand with Rachel and Chee Kan.
33) Finding out Rachel has a good head on her shoulders, thinks I am cool and she actually loves me...... Aaaaw...
34) Having Chee Kan listen to me bitch about a hard day at work.
35) Sambal udang petai.
36) Sour Tape.
37) Waking up in the morning before the alarm rings and find out that I have 10 more minutes to sleep in.
38) Christmas.
39) Having a moment with God.
40) Hot showers on a cold day.
41) Drinking ice cold water on a hot day.
42) A moment of solitude in an otherwise mad day.
43) A good stretch.
44) Comfortable silences with Chee Kan.
45) Mom and daughter days with Rachel.
46) Mom and daughter days with my Mom.
47) Poring & reminiscing over old photographs.
48) Spending time with friends.
49) Finding extra money in your checking account.
50) Curling up to watch CSI with Rachel & Chee Kan.

Well, there you are. There might be more or less to add to this list as time goes by but hey, for the moment, this is ME !

Rantings of a Shopaholic

2005-10-28T23:23:00.000+08:00

Well I am finally about to start my blog.... mostly out of pressure from Rachel, my daughter and apple of my eye who has been asking me non stop : " Have you written anything yet?" " Auntie June has started one , you know? " . Secondly , it is also due to the fact that most of my crazy Ong Cousins (well, the Daniel clan anyway) has some pretty interesting blogs going on. Thirdly, it is due to some vague inner being inside of good old me who wonders if she can write and probably win a Nobel Prize along the way (wishful thinking, but hey a gal can dream... can't she??)

So, what should i write about in my very first virgin entry and scary foray into the world of bloggers ?

After much thought (so much i wanna write on but so little time) I think I would write about shopping ... seeing as it is the title of my blog.

I am a self confessed shopaholic. Put me in any mall, big or small, and i swear you can visually see my pupils dilate with excitement and feel my adrenalin pumping through my heart. I can literally shop up a storm. There is something about malls with their bright lights and shiny floors and beautiful window dressing that brings out the monster in me. Hell, I can even shop up a storm in the grocery store or the local wet market.

Shopping is my one passion in life next to my family and work. Imagine a life without shopping ? Arggh... too terrible to even think about. But sometimes I think I go overboard. It's as if I cannot stop once you let me loose on a shopping spree. Suddenly, there is a pair of shoes that I need to have or it will be the end of the world ... or a sweater that I just need ( conveniently forgetting about the 99 others I have in my closet that I needed and desperately must have not too long ago). Well I have 99 others but I don't have it in this particular shade of black.

You might say black is black but then you have Matte Black, Shiny Black, Glossy Black, Grey Black, Black Grey, Blue Black,Black Black and the endless possibilities of all the Black combination. Or you never know, I need this season's new Black to replace last season's Old Black. I can write a whole page about the colour Black so don't get me started.See, I rest my case.

So maybe it's for the best that I am too busy lately to do any shopping and give my credit cards a rest. So, I will try and make some resolutions about shopping.

I resolve to :

1) Not buy the same blouse, shoes, bag etc etc etc in duplicate just cos I cannot decide on the colour. ( I now have many blouses, T- Shirts, sandals of the same design but in different colors cos all the colours look fab and I took the easy way out and bought them all cos making a decision and picking one colour over the other was just too traumatising at the moment!!!!)

2) Not hyperventilate when I have ( on very rare occasions) said No to a certain item and walked out of the shop , only to realise that I can't stop thinking about the said ITEM. It's like an itch inside of me that i need to scratch and I can't sleep because of the itch - which will result in a wild goose chase all over town when a call to the store confirms that my coveted ITEM has been sold!! I then have to beg the store clerk to at least try all other outlets till the said ITEM is discovered to be available at a branch in TIMBUKTU but does that stop me ? NO!! I will fly there if I need to. Finally, said ITEM is mine and I can now breathe normally. But said ITEM will now sit in my closet for 3 months before I finally remember it ( during bi monthly cleaning spree as new stuff can't fit no more into closet cramped with ITEMS). Who said shopping is a breeze ? It is an artform, ventured forth only by some Maniacal Human Being bent on putting some Demented Form of Punishment onto one self. ( Highs & lows like suffered by Schizos.. High when you buy, Low when the whopping VISA bill comes!!).

3) Not go grocery shopping when I am hungry or pre menapousal cos I end up buying Ten types of chocolate, Two flavours of ice-cream and tons of tit bits that sometimes don't even get eaten as they are more often than not way past their expiry dates as :

They don't look as appealing as they were on the grocery store shelf
I don't have the time
I feel fat....
I feel fat.....
I feel fat...

4) Not buy on impulse, or when I am depressed, or fat, or happy, or sad. ( hey.. I have OCCASIONS, you know ?)

5) Not have to Buy " just in case I need it"

6) Not buy cos my neighbour has it.

7) Not buy just cos its on sale or pretty ( though you gotta admit, these two are damn good reasons to buy.)

8) Not buy cos its the fad of the moment ( though I will be the coolest Mom around town cos I now have the latest Ipod, Mobile Phone even though I might not have the slightest idea how to operate these gadgets...which will result in my Rachel calling me an old fashioned geezer who knows zilch about tech stuff - Well I started a blog right, so hey.. ( with much help from her))

9) Not stock up on any more lipsticks. This is a hard one..With names like Vixen ( for the fox in me), Tiltillating Red ( for my a'la Marilyn Monroe or Gwen Stefani days), Vamp It Up ( for my naughty days), In the Nude ( for my go back to nature, feel natural days), Vivacious Orange ( for my imaginative and feel creative days), Sexy Siren ( the name itself says it all), Glamour Puss ( for my society mingling, French Kissing, Ass Licking events)... The list goes on... Well a girl has moods , so purchases of all possible colours to suit her moods, occasion and wardrobe is perfectly justified.

10) Not buy anymore jewellery ( costume, that is! Real jewellery is in another league and another story altogether!) or shoes or handbags or belts or scarves etc etc etc. ( At least, not until I need another ... which is like tomorrow) Well, you gotta admit, a gal just can't get enough jewellery(costume) or shoes or handbags or belts or scarves etc etc etc. There is always one last elusive, just have to have, desired good old something out there.

Well, I would probably keep these resolutions till the next time I step into a mall but hey, at least I tried!.

Till next time, HAPPY SHOPPING!